Advice from Teens for Tomorrow members on what to do if a friend tells you they are using substances

Q: How do you respond if a friend shares that they’re using substances? 
Answers: 
“Be compassionate and nonjudgmental.” 
“Natural conversation pace.”
“Be a good listener.”
“Don’t be too intrusive, just enough.”
“Encourage”
“I think it’s good to hear their full story before talking, and take their feelings into consideration.”
“Increase self-esteem”
“Make sure they are safe”
“Help them realize they may need help.”
“Know resources that you can recommend”
Say, “I want to be there for you.”

Q: What are some qualities you'd look for in a friend if you wanted to share something sensitive? (These are ways you can show up for your friend.)
Answers:
“Good listener”
“Trustworthy and non-judgemental”
“Makes me feel safe and comforted”
“Loyalty, privacy/confidentiality, trust, empathy”
“Able to keep privacy, listens to me, and doesn’t change the subject onto them”

Q: Instead of (this), try (that)
Answers: 
 - Instead of questioning or interrogating them, try to let them set the pace and tone of the conversation. 
 - Instead of blaming them, or saying “it’s your own fault,” try to be understanding and put yourself in their shoes.
 - Instead of saying things like “everything will be okay,” try to validate their experience (for example, you can say something like “that sounds really tough”).
 - Instead of comparing yourself to them, or comparing problems, try to let them share their experiences without judgment.
 - Instead of joking about past trauma, try to let them set the tone for any humor.
 - Instead of making it about yourself and how you feel, try to let the focus stay on them.
 - Instead of pushing for more info or sensitive details, try to move on if they seem uncomfortable or like they don’t want to share. 
 - Instead of saying things like “brush it off,” or “suck it up,” try asking how they’re feeling and if they know their next steps.
 - Instead of gossiping or sharing things to other people that they’ve told you in confidence, respect their privacy - but share with an adult if you need to.

Q: What are some specific things you can say and do?
Answers: 
Ask them how they’re doing. 
Let them know that quitting is a good decision to make. 
“I am glad you told me this and thank you for telling me.”
Support and check up from time to time.
Ask what would be best for them.
Talk in a safe and quiet place.
“I care for you/ I love you.”
“I’m really sorry that’s happening.”
LEt them know you’re not judging them, but caring for them.
Provide alternatives, something to do
“I know it’s a hard decision to make, and I am happy you’ve decided to stop.”
Share things you admire about them. 
Ask how you can help. 
Give resources and recommend what to do next. 


When and How to share with an adult:
“If they talk about hurting themselves or other people, it gets out of your reach.”

When to share: 

• If anyone is at risk of hurting themselves or others
• If anyone has been abused or neglected
• If anyone is at risk of being abused or neglected

How to share: 

• Encourage them to go to an adult themselves; for example, “I think that you should talk with someone more experienced.”
• Offer to go with them for support
• Try to choose an adult your friend would feel safe with

Setting boundaries:
Boundaries are your own personal ground rules that keep you safe and healthy.

1. Check in with yourself about your needs: what do you need in order to stay mentally and physically healthy?
2. Decide on what your personal rules (aka boundaries) are that will help you make sure your needs are met. 
3. Your friends can’t respect your boundaries until they know what they are, so let your friends know!
4. Check in with yourself again often to make sure your boundaries are still in place and still helping you in the ways that you need.

Some examples of boundaries:

• “I keep my phone on ‘do not disturb’ at night, so if you need support after bedtime, make sure to reach out to [xyz].”
• “I’m comfortable talking about almost anything except for [topic] and [topic]. If you need to talk about those things, that's okay, but I’m just not the right person to help.”
• “I’m happy to talk as long as I’m not the only person who knows. I’m not comfortable being anyone’s only source of support.”

Things to remember

• It’s important to take care of yourself before and after supporting others.
• Don’t beat yourself up over not being able to give advice - it’s okay to not know the answers.
• They came to you for a reason, they trust you. Be yourself.
• It’s okay to not know what to say. No one is alone in their communication struggles - whether you’re reaching out for help, or if youre the one helping. 
• It’s okay if you’re not in the right headspace to support someone else. You have your own life too. Be honest with them if you’re not in a place where you can support them, and suggest other supports for them (like TeenTalk - see resource at the end). 
• Take breaks and make sure you have mental health days. 
• If you start feeling burdened or stressed about supporting your friend, that’s a sign you may need to set some boundaries.

For more resources and information, check out our resources page or head over to the Clark County Teen Talk website. 

The content for this blog post was written by the 2023-2024 members of Teens for Tomorrow. If you or a friend are in a serious situation and you don't know what to do, we encourage you to talk to a trusted adult. You can also text or call 988 at any time to be connected to a trained counselor who can help you with substance use concerns, mental health crises, or any kind of emotional distress. To learn more about the 988 Lifeline, check out their website here. 

By Shreya

​In my school, vaping is a huge problem. When I was nearing the end of my elementary school years, some middle school friends would tell me stories about kids huddled up in the big stall of the bathroom, taking turns vaping. When I heard those stories, I thought of them as uncommon scenarios that my friends happened to see. But now that I am a seventh grader, I see the horrifying truth of how common and easy it is for middle school students to get vapes. It's even worse when someone you know tells you they are vaping. Getting caught vaping is a suspendable offense at best; at worst, you could be expelled. What are you supposed to do about it? Tell the teacher that one of your friends is vaping and maybe get them expelled and ruin their life? Or perhaps you could gently try to fix the problem yourself, but what if something goes wrong and you lose a friend because they don’t get why you are trying to tell them what to do, and they still continue vaping? But if you don’t do anything about it and something goes wrong in your friend's life, wouldn't that guilty feeling eat you up inside?
When I saw the advertisement for Teens For Tomorrow (TFT), a drug and substance use prevention program in Clark County, on my school's bulletin board, I knew I had to join. Being part of TFT has shown me vaping isn’t just a problem in my school; it's a problem for the whole county, as shown in this article https://www.columbian.com/news/2023/nov/02/. Yes, this article shows that the use of vapes and e-cigarettes has dropped among high schoolers. Still, it also states that the use for middle schoolers has stayed the same, which means in the future, if these middle school students don’t stop vaping, they are going to show the incoming sixth graders that it's ok to vape, and soon vaping will rise again unless we stop the issue.
I aim to reduce this issue significantly in my community by starting clubs in schools tackling this issue and giving brief lessons to classes explaining the effects. Other organizations like TFT could lead these clubs until they are self-sufficient. I also think it would be beneficial to start educating kids as young as fourth grade about the effects of vaping so that when they come to middle school, they don’t fall into peer pressure and vape without knowing the side effects. Awareness is a big part of vape prevention. If kids aren’t aware of the consequences, there’s no way to stop them from vaping. The middle or high schoolers in this school could take field trips to elementary schools in their district and talk about the consequences of vaping. I will try to do my best through TFT to further this cause.

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